Strippers

Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power, and Passion of Biblical Intimacy

November 30, 2010 in Strippers, books

Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power, and Passion of Biblical Intimacy sounds like a gigantic load of CRAP to us. Unless what they are proposing looks something like this:

We’re so completely opposed to “biblical lovemaking” that it’s difficult to understand or even accept why anybody would want such a thing in the first place. Unless, of course, it looks like THIS:

In fact, now that we’ve had a few seconds to think about it, we’re certain that the image above is probably the EPITOME of biblical lovemaking. So get in there and start up with that biblical lovin’. Jesus COMMANDS you to do this, just exactly the way these two girls are doing it above.

And you can use the book below as your new Bible.

Because sexy Christian love making should involve members of the same sex. Always. Men, women, foursomes, and always with a condom on if for no other reason than to anger the Pope.

Marisa Tomei Nude Scenes

July 14, 2010 in Strippers

Sometimes the best uniform is no uniform at all. Marisa Tomei took it all off for The Wrestler, and wasn’t shy about doing it. Nude scenes like this are the reason to go to the movies. Remember kids, uninhibited sexuality is the weapon that works best against right-wing nut jobs and religious fanatics the world over.

We might sound like total kooks here for harping on and on about that, but one look at the tea party movement, or the Texas GOP party platform–which aims to make sexually-oriented businesses illegal–and suddenly the idea of fighting right wingers with sexy content and uninhibited erotica doesn’t sound so crazy after all.

But enough of all that, here’s Marisa Tomei, doing her part to send the Texas GOP back under the rock from whence it crawled and put a smile on the face of Jesus at the same time. You thought Jesus didn’t like strippers? Hell, Jesus INVENTED stripping. Right after inventing beer and radar detectors. OK, we’re not so sure about the last one.

It’s sad that some people will only buy The Wrestler to see Marisa Tomei’s stripper scenes, but the film really is a good watch with or without the added bonus of those moments.

Sexy Naked Punk Rock Girls

June 5, 2010 in Strippers

Sexy, naked, and Punk. This is just one of the hundreds of Suicide Girls you’ll find–maybe not in this Suicide Girls DVD, but we’re sure there’s one who looks just like her lurking in there for you.

If you like her, you’ll love the Suicide Girls First Tour DVD, chock full of SG girls doing what they do best. Punk, burlesque, delightfully naked girls with crazy hair and tattoos showing what it means to live as a post-feminist. Jesus would love the stage show, but we think he’d be a subscriber at the Suicide Girls website, too.

Tea Party members who hate Obama would call the Suicide Girls a bunch of sinful, misguided women who badly need to come to grips with Jesus and his message for the world. But those of us who can think for ourselves know there’s nothing wrong with a person who feels confident enough in themselves to put their naked body on display. It doesn’t matter what size or shape you are, if you love it, flaunt it.

Yes, Tea Party types, Jesus is dead, and has been for centuries. His teachings weren’t bad as far as idealistic hippie sayings go, but his followers are annoying as hell and must be shown the error of their ways–preferably by a naked person covered in olive oil.

Wild Stripper Pole Party

May 23, 2010 in Strippers

Strippers galore on this DVD striptease naked-fest featuring Samantha Ryan, Cristal Matthews, Amy Reid and many others. Could you need anything more than this stripper pole DVD? How about 2003′s Premium Cuts: Sinsational Strippers as a double feature? Alexa Rae, Shea Lynn, Eden and many other strippers show off what they do best on the stainless steel pole. No intellectual concerns here, just you and Jesus and a big ol’ stripper pole. Jesus wants you to vote for these strippers.